Wireless woes

Spent half an hour on the phone trying to help a guy connect to his home wireless. Got on his machine and tried to replace the drivers.

After a while I noticed that his adapter didn't need driver, it just needed to be enabled. So enabled it and magically the wireless worked. I then spent five minutes trying to help him get on his home network. He swore up and down that he was putting the password in correctly until I asked him what the name of his wireless network was.

Him: Network-A

Me: What is the name of the network you're trying to connect to?

Him: Network-B [note that they were very, very different names, Network-A being his last name, Network-B being some random name]

Me: Try to connect to Network-A with that password.

...

Him: It worked! I guess Network-A is my network! But I really want to be on Network-B. The signal is much stronger. Why can't I get on it?

It's not obvious

One of our newer employees hits me up for a password reset weekly, claiming she doesn't know what happened.

Today she hit me up again, after requesting the password reset the employee asks, "What can I do to keep this from happening?"

It's so very hard to not reply with, "Remember your password". But I don't...

Another assumption

The question is posed, "How do I get sound to come out of my monitors?"

Possible answers:

*If they're CRT's they make a cool crashing noise when you drop them off a bridge.

*Try insulting them until they weep.

*Start rapping "Baby Got Back" they'll join in around "My anaconda don't..."

*Dog treats and the potential to go for a walk are known to be effective training rewards.

*Buy some speakers you f*^&$# moron.

Oh, but I couldn't use any of THOSE answers...

I still hate voice mail

My voice mail greeting asks for first and last name, as well as a return phone number and a short description of the problem. It's not prudent to have the greeting say, "if you don't give me this information I cannot follow up", but this voicemail makes me want to add, "If you don't leave the requested information, I hope you die in a fire... after falling down a well"

This is verbatim.

"Hi, this is [very generic first name] and a laptop was missing from the office when I got in. It turns out that one of the ladies that got let go brought it back with her, and I'd thought you'd like to know so you can lock it out. It's the one you helped me set up email on a couple months ago. Her mother in law is bringing it in later this week, but you probably want to lock it out. Later."

Very little RAM in that head

This is a basic email conversation I had recently. EMAIL. As in you don't have to ask me to repeat myself if something doesn't stick in your "can't compete with a caterpillar" sized brain.

Me: As the menus pop up click on these buttons: OptionA -> OptionB -> OptionA -> OptionD, then put in your name and you should be set.

Him: Okay, I've done Option A, but what's next? I'm confused.

Me: OptionB -> OptionA -> OptionD, then put in your name and you should be set.

Him: Okay, I've done Option B now, but I'm lost again.

Elementary, my dear dummie

The same person continually insists upon calling me for support. She refuses to email for whatever reason despite the fact that I have explained upon dozens of occasions that if I'm busy on the phone, she can email me with what she wants.

Today while I'm on the phone the woman calls. I send her an email that says, "I'm on a call, what do you need?"
Her response is to bring a phone down to me and she starts talking, I point to my phone, she walks away.

Thirty seconds later the call waiting chimes, it's her. I email a second time. "I'm on a call, what do you want with this phone?"

The call waiting hits. This is the THIRD TIME she's been too stubborn/stupid to figure out I'm not going to answer.

Finally she responds with her request. Along with a demand for the timeframe of when it will be done.

It was a simple request so I fixed it and emailed her that I was still on the call, and she could come get it any time.

Fourth call...

Exaggeration is futile

Overstating the issue doesn't make it any more or less urgent.  When it comes down to it, all computer issues are binary and quantitative (from an administrative standpoint.).

Them: The network is down on most of the computers we moved last week. (emphasis mine)
Me: Can you give me some IP examples of computers that aren't working?
Them: Just a moment while she gets one.
....
Them: Here's one example (gives me the APIPA IP).
Me: What about the others?  This one I know what's wrong but I need to know what's wrong with everyone.
Them: Well, it's the only computer with any problems.