Very little RAM in that head

This is a basic email conversation I had recently. EMAIL. As in you don't have to ask me to repeat myself if something doesn't stick in your "can't compete with a caterpillar" sized brain.

Me: As the menus pop up click on these buttons: OptionA -> OptionB -> OptionA -> OptionD, then put in your name and you should be set.

Him: Okay, I've done Option A, but what's next? I'm confused.

Me: OptionB -> OptionA -> OptionD, then put in your name and you should be set.

Him: Okay, I've done Option B now, but I'm lost again.

Elementary, my dear dummie

The same person continually insists upon calling me for support. She refuses to email for whatever reason despite the fact that I have explained upon dozens of occasions that if I'm busy on the phone, she can email me with what she wants.

Today while I'm on the phone the woman calls. I send her an email that says, "I'm on a call, what do you need?"
Her response is to bring a phone down to me and she starts talking, I point to my phone, she walks away.

Thirty seconds later the call waiting chimes, it's her. I email a second time. "I'm on a call, what do you want with this phone?"

The call waiting hits. This is the THIRD TIME she's been too stubborn/stupid to figure out I'm not going to answer.

Finally she responds with her request. Along with a demand for the timeframe of when it will be done.

It was a simple request so I fixed it and emailed her that I was still on the call, and she could come get it any time.

Fourth call...

Exaggeration is futile

Overstating the issue doesn't make it any more or less urgent.  When it comes down to it, all computer issues are binary and quantitative (from an administrative standpoint.).

Them: The network is down on most of the computers we moved last week. (emphasis mine)
Me: Can you give me some IP examples of computers that aren't working?
Them: Just a moment while she gets one.
....
Them: Here's one example (gives me the APIPA IP).
Me: What about the others?  This one I know what's wrong but I need to know what's wrong with everyone.
Them: Well, it's the only computer with any problems.

A very circular answer

Him: How do I create an appointment and invite people to it from my iPhone calendar?

Me: Go to your iPhone calendar and create an appointment, then where it says "Invitees", add the people you would like at the appointment.

Answering this questions was almost a plagiarism upon the question itself. Meditate on that too long and your brain will turn into a black hole. Don't say I didn't warn you.

Some instructions are too hard to follow

Seriously. "Email the information to me, do not leave a voice mail" is just too damned hard to do. Today I've dealt with four separate people who I know for a fact are capable of emailing people, however prefer to leave voicemails. I've blogged about this before, but I'm frustrated to do it again.

Each person insists on leaving a voicemail with a good deal of information that is very difficult to understand in voice form. They insist on spending more time and effort on the voicemail than a simple one sentence email.

Simple solution

Today is the seventh time I've had to show a worker drone how to organize files by name. The worker adamantly refuses to use the "detail" view and cannot be bothered to right-click the white space within the folder view to select sort by name.

This has been going on for months at a rate of about once every week. The worker insists that someone is messing with her network drive and screwing up the order of things. Those in the biz know that servers don't care about the order in which files are stored because they don't store things in the way that humans think they would.

Then it occurred to me. Clearly this person has no concept or understanding of the alphabet. Maybe they're just looking at their keyboard and figuring 'Q' comes first and 'M' is last. I suppose I'll have to figure out how to get Windows how to organize by QWERTY.

What goes here?

Today I had to explain to someone how to change a password. I don't understand why or how it was so complex. I mean, is it really that hard to decipher the meanings of "old password", "new password" and "retype new password"?